Istanbul was founded some 600 years before Christ as Byzantium. A brief history of it would go something like; Conquer loot pillage, conquer loot pillage, rename, raize to the ground, conquer loot pillage, rename, conquer loot pillage, rename and there you have it Istanbul. Byzantium is long gone, but it now used to describe a rare earth element formed from the fossilisation of 1000 year old kebabs. Very volatile.

It was time to explore some of Istanbuls market areas, mainly located around the old city area Sultanahmet. A jaunt through the trendy Taksim Square area takes one to Galata bridge and over into the Old City. First stop the Misir Carsisi the spice market. Its under a great valuted roof and it explodes on the senses. Spice stalls in every colour, smells from apple tea to saffron. Hawkers all outshouting each other and trinkets interspersed glistening in the light. Sweet stalls are amazing opulent testaments to what can be done with sugar. Chewy pistachio treats, what appears to be a million types of baclava, jelly things, turkish delight and the one that really caught my eye... A pomegranite sliced stuffed with walnuts and spices and simply called Turkish Viagra. They were very tasty and I had me a few of them, my interpretation of a request for one resulting in a small bag.

Turkey is cool. The first moment you hit an atm you become an instant millionaire. With bulging wallet it was time to meander further and deeper into the alleys of old Istanbul. This whole area is like one gigantic Kmart. Shops are incredibly specialised, to the point whereone shop will sell fabrics - but only the blues, two doors up its animal prints - leopard, tiger and a few more doors up its greens and yellows.

Uzuncarsi street or Longmarket is a trip. You start walking and theres a shotgun shop, next door belly dancing outfits, then a shop that simply sells shoe soles, a fabric shop specialingin blue, an uzi shop, wedding dresses,shoe laces, pistols and pretty well anything else you can imagine - a lot you cant. There is a whole shop of pink Barbie pyjamas. There are the obligatory kebab shops spread throughout.

Up this street leads the Grand Bazaar, for another visit. This place is a testament to an acre of shiny trinkets. It can engross for hours...soooo pretty....

And then a little bit of mosque hopping to get that perfect mosque sunset photograph. Pity it went something like sun, sun, sun, night. This place really comes alive at night, when the locals come out to hawk their wares, streetside food - mussels fresh from the polluted waters of the Bosphorus, fish, kebabs, other indeterminate meat products, Kokorec (delicious grilled sheeps bowel) and some tasty roast chestnuts.

The next morning was very very interesting. It seems this herbal Turkish Viagra takes about 12 hours to kick in. And kick in it did. Damn thing just wouldnt go away. This posed some sensitive cultural concerns as its considered very rude in Turkey to point. Crowded places were avoided theres nothing quite so embarressing as wandering foreign cities with an inappropriate raging boner.

The call to prayer from the speaker outside my window - a city wide Good Morning Istanbul had me up and about at around 5:39am. I whiled away some time before heading out to Taksim Sqaure for a 6am coffee. Sitting down to sup upon it as I watched a large group of Turkish trannies drunkenly and loudlywalk past. These arent like the thai or Phillipino trannies who really make an effort with operations, waxing etc etc, no these are really minimalist kind, turkish men in bright red lipstick, fishnet stockings and hairy legs.

Snooze and Mcgee arrived today, and a little touring before settling into a thoroughly relaxing afternoon of apple tea, thick Turkish coffee and sucking down on the big tobacco pipes (Nargile) while doing some serious couch appreciation. As an old local put it "a nargile a day keeps the stress away". We puffed away until we wheezed, some group kebab appreciation and a taksi ride home. The taksi drivers here operate with nanometre accuracy, ducking and weaving with heart in mouth pace. Mcgee gave some very wise words to Snooze on the way home... "Chris, pull your arm in".

We went out that night a grand evening had by all. We stopped for a drunken snack on the way home, Kokorec. Chris ate down greedily with murmourings of delicious and happy stomach gurgles. I then informed him he had just eaten grilled sheeps bowels.

The look on his face can only be described as....Priceless. He hit me.